


redemption's not that far

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-09 00:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4327599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“we all know somebody who knows somebody who's doing great,<br/>i know some people who know people who are flying straight,<br/>but I'll kindly enter into rooms of depression,<br/>while ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	redemption's not that far

**Author's Note:**

> this is completely vent writing to get some things off of my chest. please do not read this if you're triggered by suicide in any way. be safe and stay alive, i love you all.
> 
> i'm here for you if you need someone to talk to.  
> @blurryfced on tumblr / @blurryfceds on twitter

_“We all know somebody who knows somebody who's doing great,_

_I know some people who know people who are flying straight,_

_But I'll kindly enter into rooms of depression,_

_While ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again.”_

What was he doing, again?

He stares at the rope in his hands and he realizes that he has no idea how to tie a noose.

Why did he choose a rope, in the first place?

He could’ve taken pills or drowned himself in his bathtub or slit his wrists and bled himself out or shoved a gun into his mouth and pulled the trigger, but he picked the one hardest to pull off.

It feels right. He feels in control of things, for once, when he holds it in his hands.

Googling something never hurt, right?

Unless you’re asking how to end your life.

That hurts many people.

He doesn’t want to hurt people.

He doesn’t want to hurt his mother. He doesn’t want to hurt his father. He doesn’t want to hurt his sister or his brothers.

He just wants to stop hurting on the inside. He needs the pain and all of the thoughts to end and the conclusion has been staring him in the face for months.

He sets the rope down and he opens his laptop.

_How do you tie a noose?_

“A noose can be used as a scary yard decoration during Halloween or to improve your fishing or boating experience.”

It’s definitely not Halloween. He’s never been fishing and he doesn’t plan to.

“Do not tie a noose around your neck in any circumstances, even if it’s a joke.”

He doesn’t think he’s joking. Why are there instructions to his suicide on the internet, anyways?

He forms the noose, and closes his laptop. He slips it over his neck, experimentally.

It’s oddly calming.

He swallows, and pulls his chair out from his desk, propping it up directly under his ceiling fan. The rope hangs from him like a necklace – he’s never been fond of jewelry, but he likes this one.

He stands on the chair.

He ties it around and around and around.

The rope digs into his throat. He pulls harshly down, testing, and it stays firmly tied in place.

He doesn’t weigh much. The chances of him surviving are incredibly slim.

_Am I sure about this?_

He pauses, glancing at the note he’s left on his desk. God, please, don’t let Madison or Jay or Zack find it. God, please, don’t let his father be too mad or his mother be too sad.

_Is this the right answer?_

He doesn’t know.

He doesn’t want to think about it.

He kicks the chair backwards, and he falls.


End file.
